Chuck
told his doctor that he
swallowed a bottle of
sleeping pills. His doctor
told him to have a few
drinks and get some rest.
One
time Chuck was kidnapped,
and the kidnappers sent his
parents a note that said,
"We want five thousand
dollars or you'll see Chuck
again."
Chuck and his
wife were happy for 20 years.
Then they met.
Chuck is such
a bad cook, at his house they
pray "after" the meal.
Chuck's
mother had morning sickness
- "after" he was born.
Chuck's
father carries around the
picture of the kid who came
with his wallet.
When Chuck played in the
sandbox as a kid the cat
kept covering him up.
Chuck could tell that his
parents hated him. His bath
toys were a toaster and a
radio.
One year they wanted to
make Chuck poster boy... for
birth control.
I remember the time Chuck
Norris was kidnapped and they sent
back a piece of his finger
to his father. He said he
wanted more proof.
Once when Chuck Norris was lost
he saw a policeman and
asked him to help him
find his parents. He
said to him, "Do you
think we'll ever find
them?" He said, "I don't
know kid. There are so
many places they can
hide."
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Chuck uncle's dying wish
was to have him sitting
on his lap. He was in
the electric chair.
I remember Chuck was
so depressed he was
going to jump out a
window on the tenth
floor. They sent a
priest up to talk to him
into it.
Chuck had a lot of
pimples too. One day he
fell asleep in a
library. He woke up and
a blind man was reading
his face.
Chuck's wife made him
join a bridge club. He
jumps off next Tuesday.
Last week Chuck's tie
caught on fire. Some
guy tried to put it out
with an ax!
Chuck met the surgeon
general. He offered
Chuck a cigarette.
One time Chuck went
to a hotel. He asked
the bellhop to handle
his bag. He fondled his
wife!
This morning when
Chuck Norris put on his
underwear he could hear
the Fruit of the Loom
guys laughing at him.
A girl phoned Chuck
Norris and said, "Come on over.
There's nobody home." He
went over. Nobody was
home!
Chuck's a bad lover.
Once he caught a peeping
tom "booing" him.
Chuck's wife only has
whoopee with him for a
purpose. To time an
egg.
It's tough to stay
married. Chuck's wife
kisses the dog on the
lips, yet she won't
drink from his glass!
Chuck's wife isn't
very bright either. The
other day she was at the
store, and just as she
was heading for her car,
someone stole it!
Chuck said, "Did you see
the guy that did it?"
She said, "No, but I got
the license plate."
Last night Chuck's
wife met him at the
front door. She was
wearing a sexy
negligee. The only
trouble was, she was
coming home.
Chuck's girlfriend is so
ugly, once he took her to the
top of the Empire State
building and planes
started to attack her.
Chuck went to see his
doctor. Yeah...he told
him once, "Doctor, every
morning when I get up
and look in the mirror I
feel like throwing up.
What's wrong with me?
He said, "I don't know,
but your eyesight is
perfect."
Chuck told his
dentist his teeth are
going yellow. He told
Chuck to wear a brown
necktie.
Chuck's psychiatrist
told him he's going
crazy. He told him, "If
you don't mind, I'd like
a second opinion." He
said, "All right. You're
ugly and a punk, too!"
Chuck was so ugly,
his mother used to feed
him with a slingshot!
When Chuck was born
the doctor took one look
at his face, turned him
over and said, "Look,
twins!"
When Chuck was born,
the doctor said to his
dad, "I did all I could
and he still pulled
thru."
Chuck Norris
Commercial
Disclaimer: OK, so I
borrowed these from
Rodney Dangerfield.
So
what, they're still
funny. Actually, I
think Chuck Norris is
cool.
>
